Today, I'll be talking about domestic violence.
If there's one line of argument I would continue to toe, it is that a man or woman does not start hitting his/her partner overnight. Most often than not, the signs are always there. Except if you are the type that constantly makes excuses for your partner, you would notice certain traits or trend in character, conducts, habits.
Now, if God bestows his mercy upon you and you are fortunate enough to notice these signs before your relationship gets too serious, then its time to take a walk. Do not wait for your partner to hit you physically before you call it a day. Do not wait to be a victim, apply the prevention is better than cure theory.
Nothing can excuse battery in a relationship, I repeat, nothing! Nothing justifies it.
Using myself as an example, my last relationship was an abusive one. Now, not physical abuse, but emotional abuse. I'm sure we all know that emotional abuse does a lot of damage, just like physical abuse. The person i was dating had this way of making feel unqualified, incapable, insufficient, not worthy, like my best wasn't good enough, so much that we could never have a conversation without him bursting out or having one issue or the other to pick with me. He would go on for minutes and hours, shouting, ranting without giving me an opportunity to express myself, my opinion did not count and by the time he's done, I would be left with a splitting headache. I would go to bed depressed and wake up depressed. I started dreading meeting with him or talking to him on the phone. I would do anything to avoid them. It took me some months to realize my health was failing because of my relationship.
But I thank God for his grace, he opened my eyes to see the type of future that awaited me with this man. And I knew that wasn't what I wanted for myself or my family. I realized that if my man made me feel this way in a relationship of over two years, it was only a matter of time, He would be Mike Tyson, and I, Hollyfield. And while his mates are receiving gold medals in the boxing ring, my face would be his gold-medal.
I'm not saying breaking up was easy, in fact, it took me a while to get over leaving him. Was I tempted to go back to him? yes!. But I put good reasoning far above my feelings. I put aside my emotions for a better future.
Now it really doesn't matter what your partner thinks of what they say or do to you, it really doesn't matter what their reasons, intentions or excuses for saying or doing so are. What counts is how what they do or say, makes you feel. The moment you begin to feel inferior, or less of a man or woman, its time to dust your shoes, say shalom and walk.
It is okay for your partner to correct or caution you, but it should be done in love. Remember, you are their partner, not their child, servant or employee.
I beg you, Ladies, Men, don't fool yourself into thinking your love will change an abusive man or woman. You need to be alive first to fight for your relationship or marriage. And once, they take 'life' away from you, there would be no relationship to fight for.
The first step towards helping an abusive partner leaving them. Yes, I mean taking time out from the relationship or marriage. Time will tell whether the break would be permanent or temporary.
And remember, you can only help someone who realizes and is ready to admit he/she has a problem.
The second step is getting them help. By help, I mean professional help. I say professional because their advice would usually be neutral, honest and genuine as not only do they not have a personal relationship with the couple, they would also have experience dealing with such cases. They would also adhere strictly to the client-confidentiality principle.
If your partner is willing and ready to accept the professional help, then maybe there is hope for a better and brighter future together.
While I have nothing against involving family and friends, it is usually advisable to tread that route with caution. This is because you need someone who can give honest and down-to-earth advice without damaging any chance of reconciliation (if any), someone who would look beyond the fact that there are related to you or your abusive partner. Who would say the truth without sugar-coating it, and put the true interests of the partners involved first, and who is not trying to tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear! and of course, would not make your relationship problems a topic for discussion among family and or friends.
I have seen wonderful and beautiful lives cut short, thanks to domestic violence. Do not wait to be a victim, and if you were once a victim, do not hide your story, if you know someone who is or was in an abusive relationship,share it to help those who are in abusive relationships and prevent future occurrences.
SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
http://lindaikeji.blogspot.com/2011/06/nigerian-man-stabs-wife-to-death-then.html
